‘The dictionary defines a blade as…’ No. ‘Pardon me?’ We’re not doing that. If you dare begin any sentence, paragraph or think about using the dictionary definition anywhere, I will beat you. Every hack and their mother pads their writing with straight definition readings. What are you doing here, writing a wedding toast? ‘Okay then, how about this?’
We would have loved to sit there at the meeting where a movie executive green lit after hearing the pitch. Because how can a barely known comic book character adaptation possibly fail? I’m pretty sure Tank Girl and Steel were just aberrations on the chart. Luckily for us, they were right to give Blade a chance. If only so we can talk about the Blade trilogy.
The first blade movie isn’t perfect but it’s a wonderful example of what happens when a director takes the source material seriously. Just because the word “comic” is part of comic books doesn’t mean it has to be campy and/or chock full of hilarity.
The second movie goes off the rails and everything else is a loose string of excuses to have action happen. Why do the vampires go to a club that might be a target for the Reapers? Why not set a trap and arm everyone? Why does Blade continue to use bullets and knives when it’s pretty clear early on they’re only vulnerable to ultraviolet?
Blade Trinity is slightly better with the plot and worse on every other beat. Why does Dracula work with the vampires he’s so disappointed in? Why is there a Pomperanian vampire that thirsts for human blood? Humans turned vampire dog hunger for dog blood, why don’t the vampire dogs want to drink dog blood?
Like most trilogies, it’s a downward slide from good to bad. Follow us on the journey as we spend a half hour trying to figure out where everything went wrong. Tim will crow over finding a continuity error and Weltall will be full of rage.