Popcorn Pulse 176: Stalin’s Beast

You better have you bats secured. Your capes fully latched. Blood bags filled and kept in the fridge. Because it’s Morbin’ Time! That’s right, the most popular movie ever made to bear the Marvel seal has finally battered down our defenses. After an earth shattering initial release which necessitated a second run in theaters we knew we had to hop onto this bandwagon. So we’ve caved and done Morbius[2022].

Jared Leto takes a turn as Dr Morbius. He suffers from a rare blood disease along with his friend, Doctor Whomst. He studies bats looking for a cure that turns him into a vampire that senses things with the power of farts. He’s trying to reverse it because he needs regular blood infusions and the artificial stuff he’s been using is losing it’s effectiveness. Also Doctor Whomever becomes Dr Acula and they fight.

Weltall then digs into Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore[2022]. Dubledore exists and he has secrets. Those secrets? How to enchant a cock so it doesn’t become flaccid until you’ve tapped it out. Of course, you can’t leave the charm in place for more than four hours. Lest you find yourself in need of Cockle-doodle Juice to restore functionality. With the side effect of pissing feathers for the next six months.

Tim has The Death of Stalin[2017]. Contrary to what the GIFs floating around it’s not just the General Zhukov show. It’s a dark comedy that does use the facts to play with the paranoia of the actual people. Also they don’t bother having anyone do the hacky Russian accent. Plus it’s fun to see Jeffrey Tambor as the head of the USSR.

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