Download | Open Player in New Window

Considering the recent news on the passing of Burt Reynolds, we figured we should do something of a tribute episode. Which is why we choose an Uwe Boll movie to jointly review. In the Name of the King[2007] is what happens when someone watches the Lord of the Rings and decides to push their fanfic off as a screenplay.

Jason Statham is the main character who is called Farmer. Not a problem in a universe where other characters have ridiculous names like, say, the Discworld series. Quite a glaring issue within a world where no one else is named after their profession. Ray Liotta is busy trying to capture the ham of Jeremy Irons from Dungeons and Dragons. Burt is busy thinking about the glory days of Gator and Smokey and the Bandit.

Weltall then talks about Sharky’s Machine(1981). It’s about a detective who ends up in a botched drug bust where another cop dies. Disgraced, he gets transferred to vice where he busts a prostitute. She turns out to be part of a high class prostitution ring. This leads him to a crime syndicate who’s using it to blackmail a politician.

Tim then talks about Rent-A-Cop(1987). Burt plays a cop who is part of a drug bust that goes bad and other cops die. Disgraced, he ends up working as a security guard. At least that’s the promise of the synopsis. A prostitute, played by Liza Minnelli, who witnessed the murders tries to enlist him for protection. Things happen and attempts at jokes are made. The only one that lands is that anyone would have paid Liza money for sex in the eighties.

Download | Open Player in New Window

As we’re getting on in episodes, we must be getting crotchety and senile. Today we’re focused on a film from the seventies when men were men and people drove nothing but muscle cars. Smoking was breathing but for cool people who didn’t do pussy things like save for retirement or plan for their future. People who did such things were clearly communist sympathizers that needed to be shipped to Cuba.

Today’s joint review is The Getaway(1972). It stars Steve McQueen who’s character is imprisoned for something and getting denied parole. The only recourse is to have his wife sleep with someone who has th authority to let him out. Even so, this isn’t enough as he has one more job to do before he’s free. It’s a heist movie that turns into an escape film as in the name.

Weltall then talks about Demolition Man(1993). Because there’s nothing quite as amusing as a future envisioned in the nineties that gets almost everything completely wrong. Wesley Snipes is a bad guy who going to cryo-prison along with the cop who arrests him as Snipes blames the death of the hostages on Stallone. They’re woken up in a future seventies years after the nineties where everything has been sterilized into a semi-utopia to wreak havoc.

Tim, unconsciously keeping in line with the theme of police, talks about Maniac Cop(1988). Who it stars is unclear as Bruce Campbell is credited but doesn’t show up to about a third of the way in. A rogue, tall cop is killing people for no reason which leads detectives to find the nearest guy who’s six foot and put him in cuffs. Naturally this doesn’t stop the killings of a possibly supernatural murder who was a disgraced cop.

Download | Open Player in New Window

Time to put on your puffy winter vests and hop into your Deloreans as we go back into the eighties and theme the episode around movies that Billy Barty appears in. This time at Weltall’s prompting to look back at Legend(1985). In one of Tom Cruise’s earliest roles directed by Ridley Scott before he decided to butcher the Alien franchise in its crib. If nothing else it should be required viewing for Tim Curry’s performance as basically the devil stealing every second he’s on screen. Tim also adds that while the director’s cut is an excellent watch, you should give the Tangerine Dream score a listen on a streaming site for some exposure to eighties synth.

Tim then talks about Life Stinks(1991). It’s a Mel Brooks film which should put it in for a lock as a hilarious movie. Instead, Mel is attempting to make commentary about homelessness and land development. It’s confusing, lacking in jokes, and makes you long for the hilarity of Silent Movie. At least Billy Barty got a few bucks out of the deal.

Weltall’s contribution is Under the Rainbow(1981). Set around the time of the Wizard of Oz is being filmed, Barty plays a nazi who’s job is to collaborate with a Japanese agent before the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Does that sound so hilarious it should be the premise of a comedy movie? If so, please write us and let us know how much cocaine you’ve taken. Just so we can gauge exactly how much may have been passed around the conference table. We’re guessing the conversation when a little like this. “How’s ‘bout a movie with them little people?” “You mean workin’ folks?” “No, da short ones like in Wizard of Oz only if one of them was a nazi?” “fnurrrrrrrrrkkkk! Oh shit yeah! That was great!” “The coke or my idea?” “Both, man. Both.”

Download | Open Player in New Window

We like to celebrate landmarks in our show sometimes. Especially considering how long it can take to get to any particular number as we alternate. So we decided to do a movie that neither of us have seen before but is infamously bad, widely mocked, and is often seen on a list of terrible super hero movies. We’ll give you a hint, it’s not from the nineties.

We did Catwoman[2004] together and just shortly after the anniversary of the release date. And hey, it’s the ninetieth episode which, when divided by ten, equals how many lives a cat is rumored to have. Nestled right in between the flaming wreckage that was the Shumacher Batman movies and just before the Nolan trillogy was canonized by the online critics we had a DC movie that belonged in neigher.

Halle Berry plays not Selina Kyle who works for an evil make up company. When she dies at the plant, for reasons that don’t make sense, a cat vomits up powers into her dead mouth. This gives her the power of a cat. Unfortunately, like any number of strays, she gets hit by a car and dies a nasty death alone at the side of the road.

Tim talks about The Equalizer 2[2018]. Which he saw in theaters for some reason having never seen the first. It sounds like a mess with tonal shifts that make unmedicated BPD look solid as a rock. One minute Denzel Washington a hard bitten veteran, the next he’s trying to talk some neighborhood kid out of joining a gang. Tim assures us it is a mess but a loveable mess that’s fun to watch at least once.

Weltall then discusses Absolutely Anything[2015], staring Simon Pegg. It’s got a heavy involvement from the old Monty Python crew and has a number of well know British comedy talent. So it’s a shame they decided to remake The Sphere but as a comedy. Aliens give one human unlimited power to do whatever he says as a test of humanity. Ho hum. Was the fact Robin Williams was attached to this as the voice of the dog worth watching? Maybe in the background.