Now for something a little on the lighter reading side. Tim and Vanessa read and watch Ella Enchanted. The story takes place in a somewhat fairytale world where there are centaurs who are basically dumb children along with giants and fairies. An obnoxious fairy bestows what she considers a gift upon the main character, Ella. She has to be obedient to anyone who tells her to do something. This causes her life to become hell when an evil step sister discovers this gift. Continue reading Script 2 Script 16: Ella Enchanted
The eighties were definitely a different time. If online videos and articles can be believed, music and hair was bigger. Fashion was full of neon and people could actually make a living selling records and newspapers. An often overlooked phenomenon was the rise of Japanese manufacturing and the sudden fear of a foreign takeover. Continue reading Script 2 Script 14: Rising Sun
Remember the good old days? Back when there were only a couple of channels on the television. When families would get dressed up to fly a plane. And back when you could just stuff your kids into an attic, pretend they don’t exist and move on with your life.
That’s the overarching plot of the book Vanessa and Tim decide to tackle in this episode. Flowers in the Attic is about a family who is very happy until tragedy strikes. Dad gets killed in a car accident, the quickest way to remove a pesky spouse for the purposes of drama. This kicks off the plot of a coming of age story. Continue reading Script 2 Script 13: Flowers in the Attic
Many don’t know the origins of Tim the Enchanter, but when he was a child, he attended his Ceremony of Twelve and received his title and role; The Rager. Despite what the name means to those of low caliber, it is an important profession. He spent years listening to those around him discuss how wonderful the new Taylor Swift album is, the brilliance of Dean Kuntz, how nothing will ever compare to the romance and thrill of seeing “Twilight” in theaters. It festered in him, growing every day until he was able to bring his gift to the masses through podcasts, spewing forth reviews on manga, movies, and books, tearing them apart in vicious diatribes until he was spent. Continue reading Script 2 Script 12: Timgetsconfusedwhatshowitis
It’s about that time where we do a novel of Tim’s choice. He picked 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. It’s the earliest book we’ve done thus far and a classic in science fiction. Plus any novel that opens up with a jab at Nebraska is alright in our book. Even better is knowing that some versions omitted it because the translators weren’t happy about it.
Our protagonist, Arronax, joins an expedition with a harpooner and his valet. They’re off to investigate reports of a narwhal that is striking and sinking ships. This journey is completely uneventful and Arronax spends most of his time swapping recipes with the crew while they sight see. Once they return to land, he publishes the first marine based cookbook and becomes wildly popular. Continue reading Script 2 Script 11: 20,000 Leagues
If it’s two things we love, it’s popular trends and the author of Twilight. Which is why this month’s choice was the Jane Austen obsessed book and Stephenie Meyer produced movie, Austenland.
The story follows a woman that can’t let go of how great Colin Firth looks dripping wet and manages to get into the exclusive vacation spot of Austenland where she is totes the prettiest girl there. Whether it’s the coy glances at tight breeches or the rousing games of whist, it’s a non-stop roller coaster of Regency era romance that doesn’t slow down. Where you’re constantly asking yourself, who will Felicity choose? Mr. Flight of the Conchords or Mr. Totally-Acts-As-If-He-Hates-Her-So-There-Is-No-Way-It-Could-Turn-To-Love?
So adjust your petticoat, make sure your wanton ankles are covered, and enjoy us talking about the best side character ever. We’re positive you’ll find her absolutely…charming. *winky face, mid air high-five*
This show is brought to you by the formerly coke fueled man suffering from a transcription addiction, Stephen King. We decided to do something that wasn’t a terrible movie adaptation. Instead, we choose Desperation. While it is a movie, it was done as a TV movie which has entirely different standards than a theater release. For example, no one expects anyone to watch TV movies unless they’re drunk or trapped in hospice. Continue reading Script 2 Script 9: Desperate
Come live a new life in the off world colonies. You may want to pack your carry-on full of bug spray. Or ammunition. It turn out bugs don’t like being shot in the face with either. You’ll be living and working alongside our elite militarized extermination teams.
Help us colonize the formerly useless worlds that did nothing but host useless, non-human life forms previously. Earn your citizenship in style while building new homes. Be prepared to sweep up the chunks of those who were too cowardly to stay the course and keep to the plan. They didn’t believe in the ideals of the Federation hard enough. That or they were a bunch of civilians. You’re not a civilian are you?
No, you’re not. That’s why you’re going to put on you’re thickest soled boots and enlist today. The first one thousand families to sign up get fast tracked for pool access. Stop by your local recruiting office and you’ll get a free tote bag just for stopping by! Don’t make us beg, Rico.
Given that we’re attempting our best at keeping this from being a strictly genre based show, we mixed it up with a Neanderthal tale. The Clan of the Cave Bear was released in nineteen eighty as the wave of cocaine prepared to engulf Hollywood. Fueled in no small part by the novel’s success, they made an adaptation of it.
Being as the story centers upon an orphaned Cro-Magnon girl being adopted by a tribe of Neanderthals, who would best be cast? Probably someone with a good dramatic background. Oh, no one like that is available? Just grab the lady who played the mermaid in Splash and hand me that razorblade, willya?
The movie is so hilariously bad, Weltall could probably watch it for fun. Condensing the plot is excusable in almost all cases with adaptations. What the filmmakers do though it crunch this down so far that anyone who hadn’t read beforehand will likely be confused at what in the hell is going on.
The novel takes the film to the mat and pins if for a solid count. There is one thing the movie has that is missing from the book. Darryl Hannah in half assed kabuki makeup. It also lost at the Oscars, nominated for makeup, to The Fly. We couldn’t figure out if they decided that the SNL caveman makeup or Hannah’s face paint was Academy worthy.