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If you would like to picture what Sony executives are doing every time they make a superhero movie, wonder no more. We have exclusive footage, found by our crack team of reporters. This has been cleaned up and made into a gif which can be viewed right here on this post. Viewer discretion is not advised but it would be kind of funny.
Aa we’ve done the other entries in the series, it seems only fitting that we see it out with Venom The Last Dance[2024]. It takes place right after the latest Spider-Man crossover movie. You know the one, it had all the Spooder-men in it and Doc Ock. There was the post credit scene where Tom Hardy was in a bar avoiding the whole mess. They get teleported home and try to get back to New York while some CGI monsters try to kill them. There’s some garbage about a “codex” that we give little to no fucks about.
Weltall then has Red One[2024]. It’s the Rock and Chris Evans doing wacky things. He guys, isn’t it crazy that they provide security for Santa? Also, there’s Krampus because now he’s entered pop culture and is technically free. It’s the kind of mindless thing you would expect to come from Netflix and should give you a coupon for a drink. Because if you’re trying to hurt yourself, you might was well be a little numb.
Tim then has Sicario[2015]. Yes, he just saw a movie that came out about a decade ago. The one all the laser eye ex-soldiers post gifs from for some reason. You might not recall that it’s a Denis Villenueve film. It carries his signature mark of loads of flat characters and long ponderous shots. All the kind of thing that convinces people there’s a whole lot of subtext when really nothing is happening.
