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We heard everyone has gotten excited by the prospect of a toy based movie. We’re not sure why that’s working this time when Ouija happened and no one cared. That was clearly the best possible children’s toy to adapt. Anything less will fall short. Either way, we’re just thrilled that people are once again talking about Life-Size[2000].
We know it’s not the movie you were thinking of when we said doll and movie. We still watched the Lindsey Lohan and Tyra Banks vehicle. Tyra Banks is an ersatz Barbie who’s collectible and done every job in the world. Magic brings her to life and she enters Lohan’s life. Oh and Lohan’s dad is always busy and her mom is dead. Will Tyra somehow repair their relationship before returning to the land of dolls? No but they will end the movie with a dance of the cast.
Tim is then inspired to talk Battleship[2012]. Another Hasbro property that beat Barbie to the silver screen. There’s a dude and he’s a fuck up so his brother makes him join the U.S. Navy. He takes part in a sea exercise while chickening out of asking Liam Neeson permission to marry his daughter. Aliens land in the ocean and use their vague twenty tens CGI to attack people. The humans defeat them by using sunrise and a retired battleship.
Weltall dips a toe in the sea of controversy with The Little Mermaid[2023]. If it helps, he’s not a big fan of the eighty nine version. What he focuses on is the fact that the CGI is eye burning and the movie is a fat lot longer than it needs be. Javier Bardem gets a paycheck out of this. And it’s nice to see Melissa Mcarthy not screaming about sharting into her pants after falling down. That’s it, really.
