Author: Weltall

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There’s an old joke that when a horror series gets stale the producers will react in desperation and move it to the vastness of space(see Leprechaun 4 or Jason X). Some wonderfully drugged producer snorting coke through his fifth ruptured nostril decided to do away with the conceit of a series altogther. Why not just begin in space without all that mucking about. And that’s how we got Dracula 3000[2004].

It stars Casper Van Dien as a Helsing descendant running a salvage ship. They run across a fifty year old abandoned transport which originated from the “Carpathian” system. So yes, Dracula decided to send himself priority mail across the galaxy to earth in the year 300X. Of course, he snacked on the staff and got it stranded. Watch a cast of five people fail in stopping a vampire and earth save through the accident of autopilot.

Tim then talks about Mom and Dad Save the Universe(1992). It stars Jon Lovitz as emperor Spengo. Spengo has a bit of a Mavin the Martian problem with earth and wants to blow it up. Before he does, he kidnaps two earthlings to woo the wife. If there’s anything good that came from this it’s that this bomb is the reason that Jon Lovitz left the cast of SNL permanently. That’s a pretty good value for fourteen million dollars.

Weltall then talks about a YouTube channel, Lindybeige. He’s primarily focused on history, weapons and whatever else strikes his fancy. At Weltall’s suggestion, Tim watched a couple videos after the show. He recommends that if you check it out, the pair of video about the katana are excellent starting points.

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Given it’s rather weird source material and the era out joint review is based on, it’s not much of a surprise that Remo Williams(1985) doesn’t get much love. A movie based on a pulp novel series which is still ongoing for some unbeknownst reason. Our main character is trained in magic martial arts by a racist Korean master who is directed to do so by Wilford Brimely for reasons that only make sense in the film.

Weltall briefly discusses the youtube channel of Officer 401 and recommends anyone looking for police stories seeks it out. Then he delves into The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness[2013]. This is a documentary about Studio Ghibli. Weltall highly recommends it whether you are a fan of their films or just curious to see how an animation studio runs.

Tim then discusses Trailer Park Boys. It’s a Canadian show centering around the hapless members of a trailer park. They’re often focused on attempting to make a lot of money by selling drugs without getting caught. These shenanigans run them afoul of the law and other members of the park. Tim says it’s funny and has a lot of true to life elements within.

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You might remember on the last Popcorn Pulse were we did a movie where a talented actor tackles a script with semi-philosophical ideas in a bleak future. Someone looked at that and said “I like the movie, but what if we took all that shit out and kept the sport?” Thus we were given the remake, Rollerball [2002], wherein a bland actor stands in for James Caan and Jean Reno is wasted like a condom dispenser in Utah. It takes place in modern day and it’s only takeaway message is the director should be kept away from a smart phones for fear exposure to a camera will cause him to remake something else.

Tim then talks about a Spanish film, Fermat’s Room[2007]. This seems to end up on a lot of lists along with Saw and The Exam. It’s about four mathematicians who end up trapped in a room because they get invited to dinner far out in the woods and are told to leave their cellphones behind. This only works because, presumably, Spain doesn’t import horror films. If they did, they’d know meeting someone you’ve never met in the woods and leaving your only means of communication is a surefire way to become cannibal soup stock.

Weltall then takes a moment to talk up the Armored Skeptic channel on Youtube. He’s a skeptic who tackles all sorts of varied subjects from flat Earthers to hippies without hesitation and applies logic to it. He’s also Canadian and pronounces process like the beginning of professional and the latter part of excess which we find unreasonably humorous.

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Let’s take a little trip back in time. Back when people were groovy, mustaches were bushy and we took a chance on Abba. That’s right, we’re back in the seventies and reviewing Rollerball(1975). This is probably a movie you’ve never heard of except to mock the panned remake from the early two thousands.

This is a shame because it’s a big idea science fiction film. This is not without its shortcomings of course. Being as it’s a “dystopian” future, everything is mega-corporations. Also, there aren’t countries because of this. James Caan at least gives it his all as he fights back doing the one thing he can, play Rollerball.

Weltall then talks about Battle Los Angeles[2011]. It’s the Aaron Eckart vehicle where aliens invade earth for water. For some reason, it reads more like a military recruiting tape than a movie about an alien invasion. Everyone not in a uniform dies horribly and even some of those that are. Oh, and Michelle Rodriguez survives because of course she does.

Tim then talks about Das Boot(1981). It’s more of a miniseries than a movie about a German U-Boat crew. It’s hard to imagine that a film maker would try and succeed in getting an audience to sympathize with German soldiers during World War II. That this succeeds so well is no small miracle.

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Did you know we’ve done a number of time travel movies? Tim alone has gone through a suite of movies about people tooling around the fourth dimension like it’s an afternoon drive. So we thought it appropriate to do a themed episode revolving around the Doc Browns and their respective Martys.

Our joint review is Primer[2004]. It’s a very small and independent film which focuses on a couple of engineers copying some stolen blueprints. They accidentally discover that it’s also a time travel device and begin to exploit it. Things are very slow paced so don’t expect timequakes and planes being kidnapped for genetic material.

Weltall then goes over Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure(1989). It’s Keanu Reeves and some poor bastard playing high school stoners who are about to fail a history class and not graduate. As this will ruin the future, George Carlin gets sent back in time via a time traveling phone booth to let them hop about so they can give a passing report. If it sounds crazy, that’s because cocaine was plentiful in the eighties.

Tim then talks about The Philadelphia Experiment(1984). It is probably one of the few movies based on an urban legend of the same name. We highly encourage you to read the wiki on the urban legend even if you never view the movie. Long story short, some guys from the early forties end up in modern day(the eighties). Things happen for seemingly no reason and they end up kidnapping Officer Lewis from RoboCop. You know, the wacky adventures of time travelers.