Author: Weltall

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

As we’re getting on in episodes, we must be getting crotchety and senile. Today we’re focused on a film from the seventies when men were men and people drove nothing but muscle cars. Smoking was breathing but for cool people who didn’t do pussy things like save for retirement or plan for their future. People who did such things were clearly communist sympathizers that needed to be shipped to Cuba.

Today’s joint review is The Getaway(1972). It stars Steve McQueen who’s character is imprisoned for something and getting denied parole. The only recourse is to have his wife sleep with someone who has th authority to let him out. Even so, this isn’t enough as he has one more job to do before he’s free. It’s a heist movie that turns into an escape film as in the name.

Weltall then talks about Demolition Man(1993). Because there’s nothing quite as amusing as a future envisioned in the nineties that gets almost everything completely wrong. Wesley Snipes is a bad guy who going to cryo-prison along with the cop who arrests him as Snipes blames the death of the hostages on Stallone. They’re woken up in a future seventies years after the nineties where everything has been sterilized into a semi-utopia to wreak havoc.

Tim, unconsciously keeping in line with the theme of police, talks about Maniac Cop(1988). Who it stars is unclear as Bruce Campbell is credited but doesn’t show up to about a third of the way in. A rogue, tall cop is killing people for no reason which leads detectives to find the nearest guy who’s six foot and put him in cuffs. Naturally this doesn’t stop the killings of a possibly supernatural murder who was a disgraced cop.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Time to put on your puffy winter vests and hop into your Deloreans as we go back into the eighties and theme the episode around movies that Billy Barty appears in. This time at Weltall’s prompting to look back at Legend(1985). In one of Tom Cruise’s earliest roles directed by Ridley Scott before he decided to butcher the Alien franchise in its crib. If nothing else it should be required viewing for Tim Curry’s performance as basically the devil stealing every second he’s on screen. Tim also adds that while the director’s cut is an excellent watch, you should give the Tangerine Dream score a listen on a streaming site for some exposure to eighties synth.

Tim then talks about Life Stinks(1991). It’s a Mel Brooks film which should put it in for a lock as a hilarious movie. Instead, Mel is attempting to make commentary about homelessness and land development. It’s confusing, lacking in jokes, and makes you long for the hilarity of Silent Movie. At least Billy Barty got a few bucks out of the deal.

Weltall’s contribution is Under the Rainbow(1981). Set around the time of the Wizard of Oz is being filmed, Barty plays a nazi who’s job is to collaborate with a Japanese agent before the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Does that sound so hilarious it should be the premise of a comedy movie? If so, please write us and let us know how much cocaine you’ve taken. Just so we can gauge exactly how much may have been passed around the conference table. We’re guessing the conversation when a little like this. “How’s ‘bout a movie with them little people?” “You mean workin’ folks?” “No, da short ones like in Wizard of Oz only if one of them was a nazi?” “fnurrrrrrrrrkkkk! Oh shit yeah! That was great!” “The coke or my idea?” “Both, man. Both.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

We like to celebrate landmarks in our show sometimes. Especially considering how long it can take to get to any particular number as we alternate. So we decided to do a movie that neither of us have seen before but is infamously bad, widely mocked, and is often seen on a list of terrible super hero movies. We’ll give you a hint, it’s not from the nineties.

We did Catwoman[2004] together and just shortly after the anniversary of the release date. And hey, it’s the ninetieth episode which, when divided by ten, equals how many lives a cat is rumored to have. Nestled right in between the flaming wreckage that was the Shumacher Batman movies and just before the Nolan trillogy was canonized by the online critics we had a DC movie that belonged in neigher.

Halle Berry plays not Selina Kyle who works for an evil make up company. When she dies at the plant, for reasons that don’t make sense, a cat vomits up powers into her dead mouth. This gives her the power of a cat. Unfortunately, like any number of strays, she gets hit by a car and dies a nasty death alone at the side of the road.

Tim talks about The Equalizer 2[2018]. Which he saw in theaters for some reason having never seen the first. It sounds like a mess with tonal shifts that make unmedicated BPD look solid as a rock. One minute Denzel Washington a hard bitten veteran, the next he’s trying to talk some neighborhood kid out of joining a gang. Tim assures us it is a mess but a loveable mess that’s fun to watch at least once.

Weltall then discusses Absolutely Anything[2015], staring Simon Pegg. It’s got a heavy involvement from the old Monty Python crew and has a number of well know British comedy talent. So it’s a shame they decided to remake The Sphere but as a comedy. Aliens give one human unlimited power to do whatever he says as a test of humanity. Ho hum. Was the fact Robin Williams was attached to this as the voice of the dog worth watching? Maybe in the background.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Let’s say you managed to make a horror movie using a, then, relatively unknown paranormal phenomenon. You’ve managed to recoup your costs and make a tidy profit to the surprise of everyone. A sane person would pick up their chips and head to the cashiers window, turn it in for a check, then head up to their now comped room for a nice rest before celebrating with a nice dinner. Someone with a gambling problem would say to let it ride and be surprised when the roulette wheel doesn’t land on thirty six a second time.

Which is how we got White Noise 2[2007]. Nathon Fillion replaces Keaton as our dad figure. When he wife and son react to their diner breakfast like they had just sampled from the desert bar at Golden Coral, they get shot to death by a passerby who turns the gun on himself. When Nate tries to kill himself and fails, he can now see auras of people who are about to die. What in the grand hell this has to do with EVP is beyond anyone’s guess.

Tim’s movie is Swiss Army Man[2016]. Daniel Radcliffe plays a corpse who befriends Paul Dano. Which makes it sounds like the autobiographical tale of Michael Cera meeting John Mcain. Dano plays a loser who may or may not get lost on an island who escapes because Radcliffe’s corpse saves him and has odd abilities like being able to snap his fingers and start fires. And the boner compass. Can’t forget the boner compass.

Weltall goes back to Youtube and finds something amazing in that it’s completely politically neutral and awesome. Ants Canada is a channel by a man who own ant colonies that put those silly farms to shame. Episodes are done with a focus on topics like trying to protect them from outsiders, finding them proper food. Getting rid of rogue escaped ants. All done with nature channel quality and enough science to keep the nature minded happy.