Category: Popcorn Pulse

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There was a time in the nineties when Steven Segal’s agent would actually call him back. This was around the same time he actually fit into suits and didn’t look ridiculous squinting angrily at anyone who dared put their fists in his personal space. It was the nineties and it was a heady time for all of us.

Then the millennium came and went and we discovered he wasn’t all that cool. Hollywood still hadn’t gotten the memo so they stuff Segal into a uniform and a movie, paired him with DMX and called it a day. Which is how we ended up with Exit Wounds, a movie which was based on a book that everyone decided to ignore and, instead, created a generic story featuring corrupt cops and drugs. Also Tom Arnold and Anthony Anderson are in it as comic relief. Consider yourself warned. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 27: What Wound”

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In the great tradition of mashups comes a film from the nineties that takes Short Circuit and Friday the 13th and blends them without care for the end result. We do our joint review, based on a recommendation, on Evolver from 1995. And like all movies about technology from that decade, it features VR helmets and polygon graphics that would embarrass anyone who’s ever held a joystick.

Luckily for everyone, the main thrust of the film has little to do with shitty video games as imagined by a screenwriter who only has a fuzzy impression based on a round of Donkey Kong he watched the local kids play while washing his sheets at the laundromat. It is instead focused on a toy robot built by Q who decides that people suck and could use a little more hatchet in the face to make them right. The robot, Evolver, is then thwarted by the kid from Dutch and his designated love interest, the girl who was on one episode of Clarissa Explains It All. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 26: Chicago Adventures”

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Being as this was made and intended as a Halloween companion episode, or at least themed as such, we decided that a throwback into something within the horror genre would do. Which left us with the mere burden of choice. What to choose? A slasher or zombie flick would be expected though trite. We both abhor found footage and similar films so that left quite a few movies in the bin. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 25: Hallow End”

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Sometimes we like to perform scientific experiments here in the pulse network. We are, after all, prone to bias just as the next squishy humans in spite of our expensive cybernetic upgrades. For example, there is the hypothesis that when Tim picks the movie of the week Weltall is sad.

In yet another test done towards that end we did a joint review of Ghost in the Machine. A vehicle for Karen Allen of “Who the fuck is that? Oh yeah, the lady from Raiders of the Lost Ark” fame. It also has Chris Mulkey who is another of the inexplicably recognizable members of the “That Guy” cadre. It features a serial killer who gains immortality on an early nineties internet, the ability to hack electrical lines and a very pixilated body. Did we mention that there’s a scene where people play a video game like a lobotomized Walrus?

Weltall then discusses a spiritual successor to Clerks called Bros Before Hoes. It even features a video store for hijinks and shenanigans. Tim then digs further into the cesspool of the seventies and talks about The Car. It features a younger, scowly James Brolin and the inspiration for a character design in an episode of Futurama.

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For our joint review this week, we decided to reach back to the days when reality shows had just begun to dip with the appearance of the cancerous lesion known as Paris Hilton. The, now, long forgotten movie The Hunted from 2003. Though we were intrigued by The Hunted from 1995, featuring Chris Lambert, of Highlander fame, and may have to watch that some time. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 23: Viva la French Cinema”

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If there’s one thing you can certainly say about the nineties, it was that it eventually lead to the two thousands. Also, the Matrix. But in between there was a movie called Fled. Someone in Hollywood thought, hey isn’t Alec Baldwin popular right now? Yeah but we can’t afford him so here’s Stephen Baldwin. Also Laurence Fishburne before he got stuck playing a chubby Morpheus who wants to sell you a car. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 22: Fleeing Mansion”

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The top Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel are, as follows. How do I make sure that anyone I sleep with doesn’t turn out to be a relative of mine? Why shouldn’t I just use my future knowledge to invest? And, why the hell am I having so much trouble killing that pesky Adolf?

Unless we’re talking about the movie Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel. Fans of the IT Crowd will be pleased to know we finally tackled this movie. It was at least one first in the history of Popcorn Pulse in that Tim suggested it and Weltall didn’t hate him for it after. It is proof that Anna Farris can be in a movie that’s not packed to the rafters with fart jokes in place of dialogue. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 21: Frequent Piercing”

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Given the year and near proximity to the twentieth anniversary, we decided that the time would be ripe to tackle the cult classic, Hackers. Staring an Angelina Jolie who hadn’t yet decided that collecting children like Pokemon was to be her hobby and some guy who’s name we only remember because he has an IMDB entry, they play the titular Hackers.

Hollywood, demonstrating that it gets trends wrong at least as often as it gets them right, portrays the good guys, aka the “cool kids”, as rollerbladers. Meanwhile, the sole villain, an older and less hip ex-hacker, rides a skateboard. How hindsight always kicks us when we turn around. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 20: Bad Hack”

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‘The dictionary defines a blade as…’ No. ‘Pardon me?’ We’re not doing that. If you dare begin any sentence, paragraph or think about using the dictionary definition anywhere, I will beat you. Every hack and their mother pads their writing with straight definition readings. What are you doing here, writing a wedding toast? ‘Okay then, how about this?’

We would have loved to sit there at the meeting where a movie executive green lit after hearing the pitch. Because how can a barely known comic book character adaptation possibly fail? I’m pretty sure Tank Girl and Steel were just aberrations on the chart. Luckily for us, they were right to give Blade a chance. If only so we can talk about the Blade trilogy. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 19: Bladesnipes-Fixed”

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There are a lot of people who will bad mouth the nineties. Mostly those who grew up in the eighties and associate the appearance of acne, hair and an awkward feeling in their pants when they spot their classmates in gym class. There are plenty of good things that came out of it though like the cultural cornerstones of pogs and Spawn which continue to impact millions everyday.

On that note, we decided to talk about The Fugitive(1993). Based on the TV show from the mid sixties, it’s more evidence that an adaptation doesn’t have to suck. It stars Harrison Ford when he possessed intensity and didn’t just stare off into space, wishing someone would run him over and end it. Yes folks, Han Solo wasn’t always a despondent mannequin who mumbled. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 18: 13 Games”