Category: Popcorn Pulse

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If there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s making almost seemingly baseless assertions regarding people within the entertainment industry. In this case we tackle Tomorrowland[2015], today, which just came out the other day. In it, George Clooney is a master inventory who needs a spunky sidekick to help him ride an ancient rocket into another dimension so she can fix a scientific magic eight ball.

Because it deals, somewhat, with the theme of exceptionalism it feels right within the wheelhouse of Brad Bird, director of the incredible. We maintain that someone decided to take an un-optioned Bioshock adaptation and staple Disney over the parts of Rapture. Also, Hugh Laurie shows up as Dr Evil House. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 44: Todayland”

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Given our track record with flying, you’d think we’d want to avoid films that avoid reminding us of the screaming metal science tubes that propel us around. Not because flying terrorizes us, though it does when we fail to take out anxiety meds, but because we hate dealing with security. Nothing quite like explaining to someone, who may or may not be able to actually pass a Federal background check, that the round of shaving soap isn’t dangerous. It may say glycerin on it and that may, in fact, be a component of nitroglycerin which is another component of dynamite but we aren’t going to pay a visit to the chemistry crafting table in mid flight and turn it into something volatile. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 43: TSA Sucks”

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To the movies, ready with popped corn and refreshing carbonated beverages, we go. For our joint discussion, we talk about 8MM(1999). While the title makes it sound like a documentary dedicated to the development of a caliber that just preceeded the more popular 9MM but only just. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 42: Nick’s Hot Cage”

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There are rare times when we can be asked to settle on anything consistent. This is one such time where a single person can serve as the focal point of discussion. Though not always a major feature in the respective features in this episode, Gary Oldman is our anchor. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 41: Air Force Gary”

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The show has hit forty and decided that it wants to have a bit of a midlife crisis. Along with the attendant trophy wife and convertible sports car, it decided to dip a little into the nostalgia pool. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 40: Schwarzenegger”

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There’s…some…thing of a review…going on…today. We’ve decided to talk about The Kidnapping of the President(1980) starring William Shatner. That is to say that Billy got top billing in the movie. He shows up for a lot less screen time that you’d think the ex-captain would be able to get out of in a Canadian budgeted movie. It’s not like he was that famous, almost fifteen years after the Enterprise went off into its final venture. Continue reading “Popcorn Pulse 39: Push the Sleeping”

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We welcome you back to more pulses of popcorn. If you’re trying to imagine it, it works not unlike the scene in Troll 2 where two underpaid actors have popcorn thrown at them from off camera in waves. You just have to watch for the husks ’cause those things will scratch your cornea.

We jointly discuss The Incredible Hulk[2008]. It’s hard to pin down exactly where it fails. Perhaps it’s the complete lack of motivation from the characters. Or maybe it’s the weird shit like the Lamaze exercises Ed Norton does or complicated transformation process to make the Abomination.

Weltall then talks about Last Action Hero(1993). If features the future Governator staring in a very meta film. It’s about a kid who gets sucked into an action movie, which this movie is. Charles “Lannister” Dance is the main villain who escapes to attempt to rule the world. Being self aware, any one who dares watch this will find it basically gives the scream treatment to eighties and early nineties action flicks.

Tim, breaking tradition of dragging ancient eighties movies out of their crypts, brings up Mirrors[2008]. It features Keifer Sutherland as a man who’s just tired of this bullshit. There’s a demon that uses mirrors which is mildly original. That the burned out department store he guards at night was built on an old mental institution is not. At least it’s not as dumb as the sequel which will get a treatment one of these days.

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Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, providing that you offer tartar sauce, breading and fry it first. Teach a man to fish and he’ll probably start asking you when he can go home while promising not to tell anyone that you kidnapped him.

Tim and Weltall free their captive and take on the nameless with John Doe: Vigilante[2014]. It’s a film where a man goes around killing people who are bad, or does he?, while wearing a mask. The movie aspires to ask the question if it’s moral to take justice into your own hands if the system doesn’t work the way you want it to. Then it just starts saying that, yes, it’s awesome to kill bad people for fun as long as you’re sure they’re really bad.

Weltall then talks about Jupiter Ascending[2015] because he wanted to spoil something besides that pound of ground beef he forgot in his trunk for six weeks. It features Mila Kunis as a queen bee who gets abducted by the crystal skull aliens and taken to meet house Harkonen. There she is proposed to be married before being whisked away by an angel werewolf with the flying boots from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

Tim then prepares to grapple with a mob of old people by criticizing Frank Sinatra in The Manchurian Candidate(1962). It is the basis for many a parody and knockoff involving mind control and overbearing mothers that don’t cause their sons to stab Janet Leigh in the shower. So if you’ve never seen it and decide to rectify that, you’ll suddenly get a lot of references from that episode of Venture Brothers and it’ll be that much more familiar.

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Watching people through their windows turns out to be the perfect recipe, for murder! Or, at least it becomes the recipe for disaster in what Tim and Weltall will agree is probably the second best thing Dane Cook has ever been in, Waiting being number one. If you needed more hints, it stars Kevin Costner as he was attempting to wean himself off of the Oscar withdrawals, Mr Brooks [2007].

In it, Costner plays a serial killer who does it because he feels compelled to do so. Being as he’s the protagonist and a murderer, Hollywood can either make him snarky or filled with regret. While Kevin may have known he wasn’t aiming for an award he still wasn’t about to be a wise cracking stab dealer so morose and upset murder machine he is. It also has way too much time spent and focused on Demi Moore’s character.

Weltall then talks about Jinn. Yes, he wants to discuss Shaquille O’neal’s transformation in Kazaam as he ascends from genie to jinn by being wished free by a poorly supervised child. Or he might want to discuss the film Jinn [2014] because he’s quite the fan of middle eastern mythology. At the very least, it pays a few nods to the mythos you could quickly find out via a Google search.

Tim then talks about Vanilla Sky [2001]. Tom Cruise plays a man who ends up down on his luck due to a crazy blonde woman and ends up wearing a mask. So it’s like a more serious take on the Jim Carey vehicle, if you discount the transformation. Though it’s totally worth it to see Tom running around, screaming for tech support a the top of his lungs.

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Don’t make me write an excerpt, you wouldn’t like me when I type. How many reviews, do you imagine, began with some variation of “wouldn’t like me when I’m angry” when the original Hulk film was released? I’m sure a quick search could give us an estimate but no one wants to go back and read warmed over reviews for a bad movie.

Which is why we decided to watch and jointly discuss the Ang Lee Hulk[2003]. Tim had only ever seen the Edward Norton Hulk while Wetall has only seen Eric Bana. Only one of those was rectified for this show. We talk about the Hulk Dogs, Nick Nolte and pitch a possible theory as to why it doesn’t work as a whole.

Weltall then talks about Skin Trade[2014]. It features Tony Jaa and Dolph Lundgren, whose name Wetall likes to mangle for fun and profit. They’re both combating the titular skin trade, prostitute slaves, being run by the slab man himself, Ron Perlman. There’s a bit of a Taken thing going on with Lungren’s daughter who doesn’t get found by the time the credit appear. So it’s a very cheerful film, is what we’re saying.

Tim drags up the ancient and decaying Bones[2001]. It features Snopp Dogg, who can’t act, terrorizing people who killed him. Or rather, that’s the summary of the synopsis on the cover. The movie has no idea what it wants to be, constantly loses focus and drops in plot points wherever convenient. It is a train wreck that occurs in slow motion over the running time and invites unfavorable comparisons to other horror franchises by leaning on their tropes. Which all makes it hilarious.